Author Archive

I need attention like a fat kid needs cake.

April 10, 2010

I recently took part in the recording of a brand new podcast called Wall Jump Radio. Please do check it out, it ways in at about an hour and 18 mins and it’s basically just a weekly show where a bunch of people talk about the week in gaming news. Some if it relevant, most of it….not.

If you’re one of those people who do everything via iTunes then you can pick up the podcast and SUBSCRIBE here:


Why Bayonetta is way more Badarse then Kratos.

March 28, 2010

First things first. Yeah I said BadARSE. Why? Cos I’m fucking British that’s why.

Right back to the subject at hand. So God of War 3 has landed to much praise and excitement, and has probably cemented itself as a classic title.

Or is it? Sure all the hacking and slashing and fucking bosses the size of buildings is amazing and what not, but is the main character as amazing?

The short answer is, no. The slightly longer answer is, fuck no. You see earlier in the year Bayonetta was released. A game that blew a lot of minds because of how fucking amazing it was. It ticked all the boxes. Awesome graphics, Amazing gameplay, Astonishing soundtrack and an Arseiful (did you see what I did there? I combined the word “Arse” cos she has a nice arse and “Beautiful”) main character.

God of War has Kratos, whose Bald, Boring, Bulky.

Bayonetta has a better range of attacks/weapons then Kratos.

She has the ability to strap guns/shotguns/rocket launchers to her fucking feet. Kratos has two fucking keys on  long key chains that he flings around the place like a child hyper on coke (powder or liquid). Sure he rips people in half and baths in there blood like some sort of sick vampire wannabe fucking goth, but Bayonetta has hair that turns into fucking demons and shit!

Bayonetta looks hot!

Her clothes are made of her hair and no she’s not part Indian, when she summons demons from her hair, she gets naked! BEST! Kratos on the other hand looks like some sort of confused cross dressing emo. Look how fucking pale he is for fuck sakes! Always whinging and whining about some sort of shit that’s not really important, all whilst trying to look manly in a skirt of all things.

Bayonetta has better chat!


“I will, how do the Americans put it? oh yes, ‘Bust a cap in yo ass.’
“I feel like a fucking celebrity in this town”
“Come now chesire, look at me, do i look like i have any interest in children? well, making them, that’s another story.”
“There are two things I can’t tolerate. Crying babies and cockroaches…Though I suppose a crying baby cockroach would be truly terrible.”
“Don’t fuck with a witch.”


“By the gods, what have I become?”
“The monster you created has returned… to kill you!”
“God of war. I haven’t forgotten you. For what you did that night, this city will be your grave…”
“Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
There’s something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling/I can’t seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence, I’m convinced that there’s just too much pressure to take)
I’ve felt this way before
So insecure
Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It`s haunting how I can’t seem…
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence, I’m convinced that there’s just too much pressure to take)
I’ve felt this way before
So insecure
Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal

Fear is how I fall
Confusing, confusing what is real
(There’s something inside me that pulls beneath the surface)
Consuming, confusing what is real
(This lack of self-control I fear is never ending)
Controlling, confusing what is real.

See? Boring drivel!

Ah this guy is awesome.

March 23, 2010

Rising Star Games the people that publish a crap load of Japanese games for Europe, recently sat down with legend Suda 51 with questions posed by viewers of their site.

Gotta love Rising Star Games confirming the delay of the game’s launch at the end of video by stating “Coming This May” rather then confirming it when everyone else pretty much knew. Also gotta love the sample of Travis Touchdown they used, dunno if it’s some sort of coincidence or some humorous irony.

My (pointless) God of War 3 Experiment.

March 20, 2010

So my PS3 is an old 40GB model and I’ve noticed that when playing certain games, the fan will go mental and make crap loads of noise. This doesn’t happen to begin with but after a while of gameplay. So I thought I’d film my PS3 whilst I played God of War 3 for the first time to see how long it would take before my PS3 went into hyper mode.

It actually took some time, I filmed about 10 minutes of myself setting the game up and watching the intro whilst commentating on stuff as well, in the second vid there’s actually gameplay….and more commentary.

Love Unicorns? Love Robots?

March 3, 2010


Nintendo of Europe: Bringing the goods……later.

February 25, 2010

So the Nintendo Media Summit for Europe has been and gone and what did we learn from it?

DSi XL the most pointless idea since umm someone did something really pointless is out on the 5th of March.

Monster Hunter Tri is out April 23rd with FREE Online play, good stuff.

Sin and Punishment 2 is out May 7th.

Super Mario Galaxy 2 will be reaching out shores on the 11th of June.

Metroid: Other M hasn’t got a date yet, but it’ll be out around the 3rd quarter of this year.

Still no actual release date for No More Heroes 2 which is fucking annoying, still we know it’s out around the end of April, not too long now.

One thing that’s bothering me a bit though, Super Mario Galaxy 2 is a big title for Nintendo, so would a world wide release be that bad? Final Fantasy: XIII is coming out the SAME date in America, Europe and Australia. I doubt there’s gonna be a lot of voice work needed for Galaxy 2, unless Yoshi has more lines then just “Yoshi” and it needs to be translated into different languages.

The same thing was done with Resident Evil 5, it was released in America, Europe and Japan at the same time, apart from Australia who get shit on worse then we do, sometimes.

Now it’s easy for me to bitch about stuff like this, of course the Publishers have there side of the story to, here’s two links that give a little bit of a better insight as to why some games take so long to be released in other regions:

These are great reads as it gives you a better understanding….and yet I look at a game like Final Fantasy: XIII with its world wide simultaneous release date and think, “Pfft” to the above links.

It’s what you’re best at…..

February 25, 2010

So today was Nintendo of America’s Media Summit, and they announced a whole bunch of shit. The only thing of note was the release date for Super Mario Galaxy 2 and Metroid: Other M……in America Land. This could mean that the PAL release dates are to be calculated by using this formula:

Number of people working on the title x Number of shit breaks each male within the age group of 18-34 took whilst working on the game + The amount of times someone said “Hmmm needs more waggle” = Amount of days we’ll have to wait after the American release date, before we get the game.

Of course Nintendo of Europe could pretty much shit all over that long-winded “joke” I just made, later on today when the European summit takes place. Then again they may not, meaning my joke is genius….hmm I dunno which I want more to be honest.

Anyway here’s a screen shot from Metroid: Other M and as we can see, Team Ninja are sticking to what their best at:

Till next time…

To infinity…..

February 24, 2010

Question, how does one top Super Mario Galaxy?


Just to confirm, the game WILL have an orchestrated sound track! POW

How do you like them apples?

February 23, 2010

Capcom: Hey Nintendo? Yeah it’s Capcom, listen we don’t really have any plans to port over Street Fighter: IV to the Wii or DS, sorry.

Nintendo: Oh, ok never mind, are we gonna see Resident Evil 5- Hello? Hellllo? Hmm must be a bad line.

Capcom: Hey Apple, how’s it going?

Apple: Hey, yeah it’s all good, did you know that our phone is so awesome that you ca-

Capcom: Cool, listen, we wanna put Street Fighter:IV on the iPhone is that OK?

Apple: Huh? Yeah cool.

Capcom: Sweet, OK bye.

Last week’s US Top 10 Videogames. Scores*

February 22, 2010
Notice that I’ve pretty much just copied inversepanda’s idea here.
1. BioShock 2 – 360 – Bioshockingly meh this title seems to me/10
2. BioShock 2 – PS3 Bioshockingly meher this title seems to me/10
3. Wii Sports – Wii (duh) Wow this is amazing…..people still buy this?/10
4. Dante’s Inferno – PS3 The only badass Dante was the one that made Devil’s Cry/10
5. Dante’s Inferno – 360 The only badass Dante was the one that made Devil’s Cry/10
6. New Super Mario Bros. Wii – Wii (Wow really?) – If it was bundled with 3 friends and unlimited Alcohol it’ll be the best game ever…part from Brawl/10
7. Mass Effect 2 – 360 – Meh Effect 2/10
8. Wii Fit Plus – Wii (No shit) – Proof that Fat people are gullible/10
9. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 – 360 – Got bored of it after 2 weeks like I said I would/10
10. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 – PS3 – Got bored of it after 2 weeks like I said I would/10
* I haven’t even played most of these games, but it’s more fun to be ignorant.