Posts Tagged ‘Bayonetta’

Bayonetta – Remix’s that dont mix

April 28, 2010

Bayonetta is one of those games that are good but cant really explain why its good. Anyone that has played Dynasty Warriors: Gundam will know what I mean.

I am not bad mouthing the game or what I am about to write, and from what I heard from thebrowngamer, its a top game. In the later stage of Bayonetta theres a very cool bike part mode where you ride the bike literally everywhere that doesnt have concrete walls.
However, theres a song being played in the background that I found to be blasphemy. It was a remix of the After Burner 2.  Its an ok remix I suppose. I have listen to about 15 different mixes including awesome fan mixes of afterburner and this is some where not at the top. Except it didnt make any sense to put that remix in the first place. If I hear the After Burner music I am expected to see something related to After Burner:

  • F-14 Tomcat:  I didnt see any F-14 planes doing any fly bys in the air or any planes for that matter in the sky
  • FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!:  Nope, not even some mad fly attendant telling me theres lock-on to the enemy

They took a total disregard to the After Burner music and just slapped it stupid over the face. Its like playing Sonic the Hedgehog and having the Mario bros theme in the background. However, in this provision if the stage had some elements of Mario like the question mark blocks or green pipes something to associate with Mario, then it ticks all the right boxes.
The only logical reason why PlatinumGames did this from my wild guess is to help promote After Burner Climax which in its own right is a short but cool game. Its an arcade game so dont expect it to be long but very entertaining.

If PlatinumGames wanted to say thanks to Sega and made some common sense, why didnt they just remix the music from Super Hang-on?  Its got a bike for one thing…

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Why Bayonetta is way more Badarse then Kratos.

March 28, 2010

First things first. Yeah I said BadARSE. Why? Cos I’m fucking British that’s why.

Right back to the subject at hand. So God of War 3 has landed to much praise and excitement, and has probably cemented itself as a classic title.

Or is it? Sure all the hacking and slashing and fucking bosses the size of buildings is amazing and what not, but is the main character as amazing?

The short answer is, no. The slightly longer answer is, fuck no. You see earlier in the year Bayonetta was released. A game that blew a lot of minds because of how fucking amazing it was. It ticked all the boxes. Awesome graphics, Amazing gameplay, Astonishing soundtrack and an Arseiful (did you see what I did there? I combined the word “Arse” cos she has a nice arse and “Beautiful”) main character.

God of War has Kratos, whose Bald, Boring, Bulky.

Bayonetta has a better range of attacks/weapons then Kratos.

She has the ability to strap guns/shotguns/rocket launchers to her fucking feet. Kratos has two fucking keys on  long key chains that he flings around the place like a child hyper on coke (powder or liquid). Sure he rips people in half and baths in there blood like some sort of sick vampire wannabe fucking goth, but Bayonetta has hair that turns into fucking demons and shit!

Bayonetta looks hot!

Her clothes are made of her hair and no she’s not part Indian, when she summons demons from her hair, she gets naked! BEST! Kratos on the other hand looks like some sort of confused cross dressing emo. Look how fucking pale he is for fuck sakes! Always whinging and whining about some sort of shit that’s not really important, all whilst trying to look manly in a skirt of all things.

Bayonetta has better chat!

Bayonetta:

“I will, how do the Americans put it? oh yes, ‘Bust a cap in yo ass.’
“I feel like a fucking celebrity in this town”
“Come now chesire, look at me, do i look like i have any interest in children? well, making them, that’s another story.”
“There are two things I can’t tolerate. Crying babies and cockroaches…Though I suppose a crying baby cockroach would be truly terrible.”
“Don’t fuck with a witch.”

Kratos:

“By the gods, what have I become?”
“The monster you created has returned… to kill you!”
“God of war. I haven’t forgotten you. For what you did that night, this city will be your grave…”
“Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
There’s something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming/confusing
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling/I can’t seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence, I’m convinced that there’s just too much pressure to take)
I’ve felt this way before
So insecure
Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting/reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It`s haunting how I can’t seem…
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence, I’m convinced that there’s just too much pressure to take)
I’ve felt this way before
So insecure
Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal

Fear is how I fall
Confusing, confusing what is real
(There’s something inside me that pulls beneath the surface)
Consuming, confusing what is real
(This lack of self-control I fear is never ending)
Controlling, confusing what is real.

See? Boring drivel!

I’d totally play Bayonetta if……..

March 9, 2010

it looked like this! Junkboy did a nice mock up of Bayonetta if it was an arcade shmup. That’s shoot-em-up for the uneducated. Pew pew pew!

360 Circles of Hell!

February 7, 2010

So my lack of knowledge on the recently released Dante’s Inferno, and the fact that it was recently released, also meant that I had no idea a demo had been available for it for quite some time.
“Don’t waste your time, it’s shit” a mate of mine said.

If listening where a skill, I’d be seriously lacking in that particular area.

So I left my 360 in stand by mode whilst it downloaded, after a while it turned it self off like it was meant to. “Yay!” I thought. On goes the 360 and OH WTF IS THIS?

Now I can’t even continue playing Bayonetta for fuck sake! Where else am I going to get my fix of witches with fucking guns on their feet?

Fuck! Ah well I guess I still got my PS3 to pla-

Yeah I’m on a diet!

OK I still got my Wii!

SWEET!

Ah for fuck sake!